You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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