I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
