I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
