Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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