Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
