You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
