Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
