so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
