I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize