Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Boobs are out for the taking
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
