tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
