Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize