What a fucking waste of an outfit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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