Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
