My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
