47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
