I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
