Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
