you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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