just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
