He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
