y did u give ur computer a hand job?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
