I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
