Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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