I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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