She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There are leaves in my underwear?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
