The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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