You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
