I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
