Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
