are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Drunk is not a location!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
