4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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