Umm I'm too high to move.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
