Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
