I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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