how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
