This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
