you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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