There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
