so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
