please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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