I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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