I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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