There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
