Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
