If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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