I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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