Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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