we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
