he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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