1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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