It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, beer. Big fan.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
