well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just google imaged poop.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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