Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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