Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
