im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize