he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
