i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
