I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
