I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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