i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize