i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
