my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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