You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
