he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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