i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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