My liver just broke up with me...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
