Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
