Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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